The Rest Is Still Unwritten: university

Monday, 4 April 2016

Moody Monday's Volume 22: Everything happens for a reason

Hello Everyone

I haven't written since the beginning of 2016 and I can say that so much has happened to me since I last blogged, not all good. I have had this post in draft since the middle of February. As today is April 1st and it's not long till my birthday I decided to stop putting off finishing this post and hurry up and post it! My motto for 2016 has been to believe that everything happens for a reason. It has become a mantra that I am reciting again and again as more and more things don't go as I expected them to.

As many of you know I have been completing my final year teaching placement. I'm not going to lie and tell you that it was the best few months of my life, it was far from it. This final year placement would have been enough to put anyone off teaching forever and if I'm being perfectly candid, it nearly put me off too. However, I'm a tough cookie and with the help, love and support from my family and friends I managed to go in and face each day with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. When training you expect to be supported and given guidance and support from your mentors. It is a tough profession that is currently receiving a lot of bad press. More teachers are leaving every day and I thought this would mean that we would be working together and helping one another. It's disheartening to still see that many teachers and school teams are working against trainees, which is why many choose not to seek employment as a teacher when they graduate. The government is receiving a lot of criticism for the rising levels of teachers leaving the profession, however I don't think they are solely to blame. Too often schools are very hostile towards trainees and we are ending up being trained by teachers who no longer want to teach and if your face doesn't fit in a school they make it very difficult for you to remain in the establishment. I really don't understand why some teachers feel the need to do that. It shouldn't be a competition, we should all be supportive of one another to ensure that we can offer the best experiences to the children in our classes. If we work together we are only going to continue to improve and ensure that we all progress in our training and feel supported by our peers. Which can only be a good thing as we can challenge each other in a positive way, which furthers our training and experience. Teaching allows us to develop and it's not something that you will stop and see you ultimately know everything. It's a profession where you are continually learning and change is happening all the time. In order to tackle the changes made we need to unite and support every single member without judgement. Falling apart and criticising one another will be our downfall.

The reality is that I have failed my final year placement. It has been heartbreaking trying to come to terms with what has happened, because a lot of what went wrong could not have been prevented by myself. I was trying so hard to impress people that ultimately just weren't interested in helping me. I have felt let down in many ways by a number of people who should've been supporting me. The result of me failing my placement has meant that I will no longer graduate in July with my friends. I will instead resit the placement in September with a view to graduate in December. It's a harsh reality that I've had to face and accept and it is hard to accept something you feel is unjust and wrong. Although life can be cruel and there really is nothing you can do about it. After feeling low for a few months I decided to try and put placement behind me and focus on me. I needed to try and become happier as a person and pick myself up after that school had knocked me down. It is important to ensure that you can't let someone change you and defeat you. If they beat you down it's important to stand up and face the fight again and again because you are strong enough. We all are and we shouldn't let them win.

A topic that has been spoken about in the media recently is that of mental health. A link tutor of mine, who was supposed to be providing support made an unprofessional comment about my mental health in front of staff members at the school. People who know me understand that this was completely uncalled for. There is no justification that someone should make a backhand comment in the way that she did. Although I was incredibly hurt and offended by the comment and the unprofessionalism of this person, I did not let that deter me. This 'failure' has motivated me more to prove those people wrong. They had formed an idea in their head about me and they couldn't see the work and effort I was putting in to please them. I want to tell you all that whatever people say to you, no matter how mean or hurtful it is, ignore those comments. Negativity has surrounded me like thick fog recently and I have tried so hard to push that away so that I can refocus on the positives. Remaining positive in these situations was in no way easy. I am lucky to have friends who came to see, support and listen to me as much as they could. I had family there to catch me every time I fell. I am also lucky to have found a boyfriend who could not be more supportive with everything I do. Surround yourself with a network of people who will support you. They will be your allies through the rough times. Without this support network I would not have made it through placement without more scars. I may also have chosen to drop out of uni and forget teaching altogether. This network of loved ones have reminded me of all the things I loved about teaching. Focusing on that passion is what has allowed me to return back to a school to volunteer.

I remember when I was younger I fell off my horse, riding through the park. My mum said that in order to move on I needed to get back on that horse or I would never do it again. This knock back in my teaching career is similar to that moment. In order for me to be able to teach again I needed to get back into a school. I have returned to my second year placement school who were completely supportive and are doing everything they can to build me back up to teach again. This situation has shown me how resilient and strong I am as a person. I can't underestimate that and anyone else who has experienced similar things to myself you can't underestimate yourself. I am incredibly proud of how I have handled everything life has thrown at me recently.

Failing placement is an extremely difficult thing to come to terms with. I have to admit these last few weeks I've cried just from looking at Facebook and seeing friends sharing their placement grades and how they've got jobs. I wish that was me, but it's not something I could control nor is it something I can change now. In some ways I didn't have the relaxed Christmas holidays I wanted. After a messy and terrible break up with my previous boyfriend I had to try and focus everything on this placement. In some ways that might have affected me more than I realised. He moved on so quickly after me and whilst I was angry and hurt at the time, I'm happy that he's found someone that makes him happy. Continuing a relationship that made us both unhappy was not in our best interests. I am only speaking for myself, but being away from that relationship has been good for me. It has taken time sure, like all break ups take time to get over. However, I am done harvesting bad feelings towards people because it makes you a negative person. I want to focus on my future and being happy.

Focusing on my future and being happy has allowed me to find Scott. He has found me at a time in my life when I was particularly low and has stayed with me through all of that. Together we have worked on my house, spent so much time together and talked for hours on end about the things that are bothering me. I'm happy that I can cry in front of him without feeling worried about showing my feelings. Although I am not fully back to the positive person I used to be I am slowly getting there and that is because of the help of Scott, my family and friends. I cannot thank them enough for everything they have done. I am so lucky to have them.

I have finally moved into my house and with the help of Scott we are trying to finish the painting off so that I can have a party there for my birthday. I want to celebrate my 21st with my family, friends and Scott. Just a small get together will make me really happy this year. Now I am focusing on each day and taking it as it comes. I'm focusing on finishing uni with a good degree classification and have a fab Summer so that I am ready to begin my placement in September. I will not be beaten, teaching is for me. You can't let your enemies win, you're better than that. I'm going to finish this post here before I go into full emotional meltdown and this post gets more ranty!

For now I'll enjoy the short outbursts of sun!

Thank you for continuing to read my posts and sticking with me. I really appreciate every view, comment and message from you all. Don't forget to follow me on my links below!

"The rest is still unwritten"

Megan

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Monday, 9 November 2015

Moody Monday's Volume 21: Honesty

Hello Everyone.

Now for those who tune in at 5pm every Monday to read my post you probably saw that I wrote about a recent break up I was going through. After speaking with Luke I decided to remove it, as although that was what I was feeling in that moment, maybe it wasn't right to post it on social media at that time. I want to be completely honest with you all that I am actually going through one of the most stressful and confusing times to date, the last time I felt this way was in Sixth Form in my final year of A Levels. I put it down to it being my final year of University, it's important and becoming a teacher means I am entering into one of the most stressful and hard jobs there is right now. There is no right answer on how to do things right, and that's really scary.

I did spend the weekend with Luke and we seem to have resolved our issues for now. One thing I have learned is that you can't fully forget a problem, but you can move past it. I don't want to dwell on all the bad things that went wrong, I want to focus on the here and now and be with someone who genuinely does make me happy. We just need to work on a few things. I guess another thing I have learned is communication and listening. I find it so difficult to admit I am wrong, but I am aware more than ever now that I have a few things to work on. I just need to remember to find a balance between Luke, University, Friends, Family and Placement, because right now these are my main focus.

Blogging is also something I love and if I'm being honest (again) it really is a way for me to get my feelings down and out there for all to see. I want you to see me for me, with a few edits in places of course. I now understand that I just need to be careful what I write. I didn't think how the previous post would affect Luke and for that I am sorry.

Another big change in my life is losing someone who I thought was a close friend. I guess we ended up taking different paths and moving on to other things in our lives and we weren't the right fit for each other anymore. A few events that happened over the weekend left me feeling betrayed, but I truly did want to work out the issues we had. I guess you can't force someone to want to see you as a friend and that was a hard thing for me to realise. I can't call someone a true friend if they're willing to hurt me and not think of me as a friend. *cue BMTH- True Friends*

I just want to take this opportunity to thank everyone who reads my rambles. Half the time I write a post I sit in silence staring at the screen letting my fingers type away every thought in my mind. Sometimes it can be great writing and other times less than perfect. However, I enjoy writing and posting for you all. I feel like this is my safe place to just tell you all how I'm feeling in the hope that someone, maybe one of you understands me? They say everything gets better and you understand life more when you're an adult. Although, I feel as lost as ever and my mind is definitely confused. Nevertheless, I'm not going to be beaten and I am going to get on with my assignments and prepare for placement, which starts next Monday (16th). Now that is a scary thought!

Once again thank you for reading. I welcome you to comment below if you are going through similar things to me or you just want a chat with me! My email is available here too. I hope you are all well and you're ready for this new week. I want the days to drag because I really need to get stuck into these assignments if I have any hope of doing well.

"The rest is still unwritten"

Megan

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Monday, 26 October 2015

Moody Monday's Volume 20: Motivation

Hello Bloggers!

It has been such a long time since my last post and honestly I have missed writing on this page. These past couple of months have been a whirlwind for me with regards to University. I'm half way through the first term back and I am already feeling the pressure of final year! I have all these assignments due in for the 12th of November as well as a presentation and getting ready for my final placement. I have to admit it's quite overwhelming for me. We had a meeting the other day about final year placement and the importance of it. That was such a scary meeting, simply because the reality that I would soon be applying for jobs hit me. I will soon have to grow up and realise that this is now my career. Daunting. On the other hand I am ready to be a teacher of my own class. Only then can I begin to learn more from experience and get one step closer to being the teacher I hope I will one day become. As well as being daunting, it is also exciting. I am looking forward to graduating and celebrating with my friends rounding off what has been a fab three years at University. I hope to graduate with a first and that's why I'm using this blog as a break for myself between writing assignments. I am more than willing to put in the effort so that I am able to improve on my essays with the help of the learning hub, hopefully allowing me to bump my high 2:1 up to a first.

One thing I have also noticed with the pressure of final year is my diet. Wow, I am unhealthy. My reliance on sweet treats and fatty guilty pleasures has become ridiculous and my ever growing waistline is becoming a problem for me. I really wish that whilst I was trying hard at Uni, I felt motivated to go for a run or diet. I suppose I can't have everything in that sense, and sometimes my mood causes me to lean towards the very foods that don't do anything for me. BOO. Nevertheless, I'll continue to hold out hope that one day my body will soon reduce in size and I will end up looking fabulous. Until that day though I shall just continue to slouch in my pjs watching Netflix to pass the time.

I have a busy few weeks ahead of me and the hard work starts now! For all of you in my position we CAN do this! If you're like me and you are striving for a high grade in your degree work hard. I know it feels like you aren't doing enough, but I assure you that you are. Just take your work in stages and the workload will soon decrease and you'll feel better when you see your hard work rewarded. I will also say that you need to remember how valuable your close friends are. I have never been so thankful for best friends these past few weeks. They help me keep on track with my work, they read through my essays when I'm worrying and they also listen to me rant about how I'm obviously going to fail final year before reminding me that I can succeed this year and that I need to keep going.

I also need to thank my family as well as Luke for sticking with me even when my moods turn ugly. I will admit I have resembled Bridget Jones these last few months, personality as well as comfy attire! However, I won't apologise for that and will instead thank them for reminding me that I can do this and one day I will be a fab teacher. Sidetone: Thank you to Luke for buying me pie. It's bad for my waistline, but good for the mood.

Anyway I will cute this post slightly shorter than normal. I just wanted to let you all know I'm still alive and kicking. I'm just swamped with Uni work!

I love you all, let me know how you're doing!

"The rest is still unwritten"

Megan

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Monday, 10 August 2015

Moody Monday's Volume 19: BBQ Weather

Hello Bloggers!

I am feeling a bit stuffed today. Lets just say that I've eaten well over the weekend! I have enjoyed the beautiful weather by having three, yes three BBQ's. I have to say I enjoyed every one of them. My Dad is a top barbecuer. Apart from having so much meat I could burst I have also been collating the items I will be taking with me to the new house. I am very very excited. Moving day could be as soon as Friday. I'm hoping that once I get my house all sorted I could do a cute tour video around my room and put it on YouTube. Then you could see how everything I have purchased fits into my new little home!

As well as that I am currently working on a spending post showing you've everything I've bought recently, a haul yay! Hopefully, you'll like that when it's up. The weather turned a bit rubbish today. It's been on and off torrential rain, but it's a nice change as I was getting a bit too warm. Luckily I've stayed inside most of today.

I have also restarted getting into COD (Call of Duty) again. It's terrible I know but I just couldn't help myself! Luke and I have been playing it together which is quite cute. I need everyone to know though that I am better than him obviously!

Speaking of Luke, yesterday we celebrated 6 months together. It has been difficult at times, but I take comfort in knowing every time we have a problem we can work it out and we are stronger for it.

Back to food, I went for lunch with my friend Fran today at Harvester and can I just say that it was really lovely. I had the half roast chicken with chips and gravy and it was so tasty. For a cheap place to go I wasn't expecting much and yet it was a really nice afternoon treat. I will definitely be going again soon!

I will also be seeing Megan on Wednesday hopefully. It will be nice to see someone from Uni, seen as how I haven't really managed to see anyone over the holidays! A bit sad really. However, a catch up KFC and chat is much needed with Megan so it needs to happen soon!

I think I will cut it short there guys. Can I just lastly say thank you to you all for staying with me through this journey on my blog. I got a lovely message the other day and it really makes it all worth it when you tell me you still enjoy my posts.

Love you all!

"The rest is still unwritten"

Megan

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Monday, 22 June 2015

Moody Monday's Volume 16:

Hello Everyone!

It's that dreaded Monday again and the beginning of the week, however it is one I am really looking forward to! I have lots of exciting things to tell you.

Last week I spent every day with Luke and it was weird sleeping on my own for the first time in a week on Saturday night (sad face). I really enjoyed spending the week together and I really hate that I probably won't get to see him much this week as we are both really busy.

Today I have been for an interview and I'm happy to say I have sorted my final year school placement and I can't wait to start. It is scary to think that this is my final year of my University degree, however I am excited to start with a class of my own.

It is also the week I go to London with Adeline to see Taylor Swift at Hyde Park! I leave on Friday so I am already trying to think of what I am going to pack since I am helping out at my previous placement school in Year 1.

I can't wait to explore London and eat some good food and hopefully drink some prosecco whilst I'm down there too! I will be posting lots of pictures on my instagram and tweeting whilst I'm down there so don't forget to click on the links below to make sure you're following me!

I'm also getting my hair done as well this Thursday which is long overdue because quite frankly it's getting out of hand! My ponytail is incredibly bushy!

So it's fair to say I have such a busy week ahead of me but one that I am excited for. The only thing missing is seeing Luke (sad face), but I can't complain because we have spent a lot of time together recently. I just wished we lived closer.

OH! I forgot to say I've bought my own house. More to come on this as we get closer to completion and I can take some photos of my own. I'm so so excited for this new adventure! Will definitely keep you all updated on this!

Hope you're all well! Enjoy your week!

"The rest is still unwritten"

Megan

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Monday, 15 June 2015

Moody Monday's Volume 15: Let's have a chat

Hello Bloggers!

Yes, I know I'm terrible at remembering to blog recently! Awful and there isn't an excuse why I haven't so I won't start by making one! A lot of exciting things have happened over the last few weeks and coupled with the beautiful weather we've been having it has made an exciting start to my Summer!

Luke and I. Nice yellow jumper from Matalan cheers for the hole though guys! Will be taking this back!

I will aim to be more on top of posts this week I assure you! It will be nice to get back into a schedule.

I thought I would write this post early, it's Saturday and I'm watching my boyfriend play cricket however I have been blessed with wi-fi! THANK YOU THE CLOUD! So instead of sitting here pretending to understand the game, which I really don't, I thought it might be useful to do what women do best...multi-task.

Even though I've just mentioned the beautiful weather we've been having it's overcast today so I'm not loving the grey sky, although it is much better than the rain we'd had in the night/early this morning! The temperature isn't bad either so I am rather enjoying sitting in the car, window open, laptop on my knees, leisurely watching the game and praying my boyfriend's team wins (fingers crossed everyone).

Now for those who know me you'll know I am definitely not a sports fan. I despise it and would pick a Netflix day in bed over venturing out of the house to watch it let alone play any! Nevertheless, as Luke plays cricket and it has to be one of the things he possibly loves just as much as me I felt that it was only fair for me to at least try and watch/understand it. This is my third game I am watching now and I am understanding a few things. I finally know how to understand a score. How the scoring system works...I'm still terrible but I'm better than when I first started. I think that's one thing that you must try and do in a relationship, compromise. It's one of those factors that allows a relationship to succeed. I watch cricket and take an interest for Luke, however on a sunny day I quite enjoy it! So if I've done that I ask Luke to compromise and let me watch a Disney film or chick flick. This actually worked as last night I was allowed to watch 25 minutes of Anastasia before deciding to change to watch 'Morning Glory', which Luke actually liked! So yes you could say I'm incredibly happy!

I went into my old Secondary School/Sixth Form on Thursday as my Head of Year and Learning Mentor had been asking my brother if I was coming in to visit. It was nice seeing everyone and how different the Sixth Form looked since I was last there. My teachers said they could see such a difference in myself. I was more positive and definitely more confident. Its nice to hear that when A-Levels was by far one of the hardest two years I have experienced so far. I just look at how far I've come in that time and it's all because I have gone to University. I am finally doing something I enjoy and soon I'll be a fully qualified teacher with my own class. It's very overwhelming as well as exciting.

Sidenote: Luke claps a lot...more than everyone else. Now it's hard to envision this but it's very amusing. The best way to describe it is by thinking of that monkey from Toy Story 3 with the cymbals- yes hilarious.

So as I've said I have a lot of ideas for blogs it's just a case of writing them all so they are ready to be published on time. If I've got some exciting day trips planned I might vlog some bits to add to my blog, therefore it's easier for you to see my day. I will also continue to write my blogs as well as I thoroughly enjoy writing still.

I hope you're all well and enjoying this weather!

"The rest is still unwritten"

Megan

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Monday, 25 May 2015

Moody Monday's Volume 14: I'M BACK!

Hello Bloggers!

I'm very happy to finally say I am back! I have finished placement and I have finished University for the Summer which means that I will be able to spend more time writing my blog. I have to say I have missed writing my blog. It's so nice to cosy up in bed with a cuppa and sit and write some posts, I definitely have a lot to say and don't get me wrong I tried to sit and write a post (hence why I've returned to quite a lot of draft posts), but I've not had the time to finish them. Teaching takes over your life especially when on placement, because I've been working so hard to ensure I get good grades and luckily that's happened I've improved and I finally feel like I can definitely do this! I can't wait to graduate and have my own class!

After going back to University on Friday to hand everything in from placement I have to admit I'm feeling a little worried about final year. Of course the final year is harder, however I have to juggle studies, placement as well as a job hunt! Very, very, very stressful (screams)! Nevertheless, I don't have to think of that until after Summer!

Summer, Summer, Summer! I am so excited about Summer this year, I have a lot planned for once. If I think back to what I was doing last it was spent watching every season of Gossip Girl on Netflix (totally worth it in the end). However, this year I have lots of exciting things planned that actually involve leaving the house and my bed (shock).

I'm seeing Dirty dancing tonight at Love Rouge bakery with my friend Adeline. On Thursday I'm seeing Hozier at the O2 Academy with Adeline as well. On Monday it's my little brother's 17th birthday as well as seeing Maroon 5 with Hollie. On the 26th June I'm heading to London with my bestie Adeline again to see Taylor Swift in Hyde Park (very excited), it will be an amazing weekend in London! As if that wasn't enough I'll be going back to London on the 27th July for a short getaway with my boyfriend. So I have a lot planned for this Summer which should mean I must have lots to write for my blog.

I am blogging whilst watching Gossip Girl again and I'm already on Season 2 and I only started re watching it on Wednesday! Although I assure you all my unhealthy obsession for Gossip Girl will not keep me in this Summer.

I would also like to say I have just started watching Prison Break with Luke as well and I am so engrossed in it! I couldn't recommend it enough! Thank god for Netflix. Think I'll be having a lazy bank holiday Monday watching more episodes with him (yay)! Hope you're all enjoying your extra long weekends!

"The rest is still unwritten"

Megan

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