The Rest Is Still Unwritten: family

Monday, 4 April 2016

Moody Monday's Volume 22: Everything happens for a reason

Hello Everyone

I haven't written since the beginning of 2016 and I can say that so much has happened to me since I last blogged, not all good. I have had this post in draft since the middle of February. As today is April 1st and it's not long till my birthday I decided to stop putting off finishing this post and hurry up and post it! My motto for 2016 has been to believe that everything happens for a reason. It has become a mantra that I am reciting again and again as more and more things don't go as I expected them to.

As many of you know I have been completing my final year teaching placement. I'm not going to lie and tell you that it was the best few months of my life, it was far from it. This final year placement would have been enough to put anyone off teaching forever and if I'm being perfectly candid, it nearly put me off too. However, I'm a tough cookie and with the help, love and support from my family and friends I managed to go in and face each day with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. When training you expect to be supported and given guidance and support from your mentors. It is a tough profession that is currently receiving a lot of bad press. More teachers are leaving every day and I thought this would mean that we would be working together and helping one another. It's disheartening to still see that many teachers and school teams are working against trainees, which is why many choose not to seek employment as a teacher when they graduate. The government is receiving a lot of criticism for the rising levels of teachers leaving the profession, however I don't think they are solely to blame. Too often schools are very hostile towards trainees and we are ending up being trained by teachers who no longer want to teach and if your face doesn't fit in a school they make it very difficult for you to remain in the establishment. I really don't understand why some teachers feel the need to do that. It shouldn't be a competition, we should all be supportive of one another to ensure that we can offer the best experiences to the children in our classes. If we work together we are only going to continue to improve and ensure that we all progress in our training and feel supported by our peers. Which can only be a good thing as we can challenge each other in a positive way, which furthers our training and experience. Teaching allows us to develop and it's not something that you will stop and see you ultimately know everything. It's a profession where you are continually learning and change is happening all the time. In order to tackle the changes made we need to unite and support every single member without judgement. Falling apart and criticising one another will be our downfall.

The reality is that I have failed my final year placement. It has been heartbreaking trying to come to terms with what has happened, because a lot of what went wrong could not have been prevented by myself. I was trying so hard to impress people that ultimately just weren't interested in helping me. I have felt let down in many ways by a number of people who should've been supporting me. The result of me failing my placement has meant that I will no longer graduate in July with my friends. I will instead resit the placement in September with a view to graduate in December. It's a harsh reality that I've had to face and accept and it is hard to accept something you feel is unjust and wrong. Although life can be cruel and there really is nothing you can do about it. After feeling low for a few months I decided to try and put placement behind me and focus on me. I needed to try and become happier as a person and pick myself up after that school had knocked me down. It is important to ensure that you can't let someone change you and defeat you. If they beat you down it's important to stand up and face the fight again and again because you are strong enough. We all are and we shouldn't let them win.

A topic that has been spoken about in the media recently is that of mental health. A link tutor of mine, who was supposed to be providing support made an unprofessional comment about my mental health in front of staff members at the school. People who know me understand that this was completely uncalled for. There is no justification that someone should make a backhand comment in the way that she did. Although I was incredibly hurt and offended by the comment and the unprofessionalism of this person, I did not let that deter me. This 'failure' has motivated me more to prove those people wrong. They had formed an idea in their head about me and they couldn't see the work and effort I was putting in to please them. I want to tell you all that whatever people say to you, no matter how mean or hurtful it is, ignore those comments. Negativity has surrounded me like thick fog recently and I have tried so hard to push that away so that I can refocus on the positives. Remaining positive in these situations was in no way easy. I am lucky to have friends who came to see, support and listen to me as much as they could. I had family there to catch me every time I fell. I am also lucky to have found a boyfriend who could not be more supportive with everything I do. Surround yourself with a network of people who will support you. They will be your allies through the rough times. Without this support network I would not have made it through placement without more scars. I may also have chosen to drop out of uni and forget teaching altogether. This network of loved ones have reminded me of all the things I loved about teaching. Focusing on that passion is what has allowed me to return back to a school to volunteer.

I remember when I was younger I fell off my horse, riding through the park. My mum said that in order to move on I needed to get back on that horse or I would never do it again. This knock back in my teaching career is similar to that moment. In order for me to be able to teach again I needed to get back into a school. I have returned to my second year placement school who were completely supportive and are doing everything they can to build me back up to teach again. This situation has shown me how resilient and strong I am as a person. I can't underestimate that and anyone else who has experienced similar things to myself you can't underestimate yourself. I am incredibly proud of how I have handled everything life has thrown at me recently.

Failing placement is an extremely difficult thing to come to terms with. I have to admit these last few weeks I've cried just from looking at Facebook and seeing friends sharing their placement grades and how they've got jobs. I wish that was me, but it's not something I could control nor is it something I can change now. In some ways I didn't have the relaxed Christmas holidays I wanted. After a messy and terrible break up with my previous boyfriend I had to try and focus everything on this placement. In some ways that might have affected me more than I realised. He moved on so quickly after me and whilst I was angry and hurt at the time, I'm happy that he's found someone that makes him happy. Continuing a relationship that made us both unhappy was not in our best interests. I am only speaking for myself, but being away from that relationship has been good for me. It has taken time sure, like all break ups take time to get over. However, I am done harvesting bad feelings towards people because it makes you a negative person. I want to focus on my future and being happy.

Focusing on my future and being happy has allowed me to find Scott. He has found me at a time in my life when I was particularly low and has stayed with me through all of that. Together we have worked on my house, spent so much time together and talked for hours on end about the things that are bothering me. I'm happy that I can cry in front of him without feeling worried about showing my feelings. Although I am not fully back to the positive person I used to be I am slowly getting there and that is because of the help of Scott, my family and friends. I cannot thank them enough for everything they have done. I am so lucky to have them.

I have finally moved into my house and with the help of Scott we are trying to finish the painting off so that I can have a party there for my birthday. I want to celebrate my 21st with my family, friends and Scott. Just a small get together will make me really happy this year. Now I am focusing on each day and taking it as it comes. I'm focusing on finishing uni with a good degree classification and have a fab Summer so that I am ready to begin my placement in September. I will not be beaten, teaching is for me. You can't let your enemies win, you're better than that. I'm going to finish this post here before I go into full emotional meltdown and this post gets more ranty!

For now I'll enjoy the short outbursts of sun!

Thank you for continuing to read my posts and sticking with me. I really appreciate every view, comment and message from you all. Don't forget to follow me on my links below!

"The rest is still unwritten"

Megan

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Thursday, 31 December 2015

New Year...a new me as well?

Hello Everyone

I'm sat here nearly at the end of my Christmas holiday and I'm watching Grey's Anatomy. 2015 has been a defining year for me in more ways than one. I fell in love, I had my heart broken, I've cried more times than I can count and I also made huge steps with my University degree, which I think has made me a better teacher. This holiday hasn't been completely relaxing and enjoyable for me, so I think it would be safe to say that I want to end 2015 on a high. I've decided to spend it having a girly night in with my Mum and my Auntie and the pooches, with takeaway and wine! I am looking forward to 2016. I will be once again beginning the year single, which will be nothing new! I mean I've never actually been in a relationship over Christmas and New Year so it won't be that much of a change right? Difficult decisions were made regarding my relationship status and unfortunately there was nothing I could really do to keep that working anymore. I'm not going to lie I'm upset, but I'm also positive that I will find the right person for me eventually and that will be the right thing for me! I have lots to look forward to in 2016 so I don't have time to mope around the house and be upset. Megan needs to focus on applying for jobs, teaching and spending time with friends and family.

A sad note is that I also have yet to move into my house. It's annoying to see it sat there almost ready, however Mum doesn't want me moving in when I haven't got the essentials in there (a working shower). Obviously that is so important when coming home from a stressful day teaching and I want to relax! So I'm going to dedicate weekends and free time to go and finish the house whenever I can fit it in and I'm sure my lovely family will also help out. I am really am so thankful for them and they've made this festive period easier and happier for me.

New Years Resolutions, I've never been very good at making them, let alone keeping them! However, this year I am ready to make a few and stick to them I'm determined! Now I am single I am ready to focus on me and get fit. I want to lose weight and get the body I know I deserve, which in turn will help me grab the man I deserve. The second resolution is to get a job teaching in a school I am really happy with. The dream is obviously to be an Early Years Teacher, however as long as i'm in a good school that is supportive and values me I'm happy with Years 1 and 2 too. My final resolution is to be happy. I can do this by spending time with family and friends and being happy with myself.

So I'm sorry for being away for a while, it's bad of me. I didn't want to bore you and I also didn't feel like writing when I was so low. Although, here I am ready to continue on this journey with you. I'm ready to share things with you because this is a place I can just puke my feelings and somehow make them form words.

Thank you so much for sticking with me, I really appreciate it.

OOOH! How could I forget?! I also started writing for Spice UK Online this year. I haven't posted so much as I have been busy and priorities have taken over, but I am ready to change that this year and schedule some posts.

I hope you have all had a good Christmas and are ready to ring in the New Year! Please get in touch on my social media links and drop me a message if you like.

Let me know what your resolutions are in the comments below! Thank you again!

"The rest is still unwritten"

Megan

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Spice UK Online
(my profile on the website, which also has all my posts I've written as well. Give me some support it will be appreciated!)

Monday, 26 October 2015

Moody Monday's Volume 20: Motivation

Hello Bloggers!

It has been such a long time since my last post and honestly I have missed writing on this page. These past couple of months have been a whirlwind for me with regards to University. I'm half way through the first term back and I am already feeling the pressure of final year! I have all these assignments due in for the 12th of November as well as a presentation and getting ready for my final placement. I have to admit it's quite overwhelming for me. We had a meeting the other day about final year placement and the importance of it. That was such a scary meeting, simply because the reality that I would soon be applying for jobs hit me. I will soon have to grow up and realise that this is now my career. Daunting. On the other hand I am ready to be a teacher of my own class. Only then can I begin to learn more from experience and get one step closer to being the teacher I hope I will one day become. As well as being daunting, it is also exciting. I am looking forward to graduating and celebrating with my friends rounding off what has been a fab three years at University. I hope to graduate with a first and that's why I'm using this blog as a break for myself between writing assignments. I am more than willing to put in the effort so that I am able to improve on my essays with the help of the learning hub, hopefully allowing me to bump my high 2:1 up to a first.

One thing I have also noticed with the pressure of final year is my diet. Wow, I am unhealthy. My reliance on sweet treats and fatty guilty pleasures has become ridiculous and my ever growing waistline is becoming a problem for me. I really wish that whilst I was trying hard at Uni, I felt motivated to go for a run or diet. I suppose I can't have everything in that sense, and sometimes my mood causes me to lean towards the very foods that don't do anything for me. BOO. Nevertheless, I'll continue to hold out hope that one day my body will soon reduce in size and I will end up looking fabulous. Until that day though I shall just continue to slouch in my pjs watching Netflix to pass the time.

I have a busy few weeks ahead of me and the hard work starts now! For all of you in my position we CAN do this! If you're like me and you are striving for a high grade in your degree work hard. I know it feels like you aren't doing enough, but I assure you that you are. Just take your work in stages and the workload will soon decrease and you'll feel better when you see your hard work rewarded. I will also say that you need to remember how valuable your close friends are. I have never been so thankful for best friends these past few weeks. They help me keep on track with my work, they read through my essays when I'm worrying and they also listen to me rant about how I'm obviously going to fail final year before reminding me that I can succeed this year and that I need to keep going.

I also need to thank my family as well as Luke for sticking with me even when my moods turn ugly. I will admit I have resembled Bridget Jones these last few months, personality as well as comfy attire! However, I won't apologise for that and will instead thank them for reminding me that I can do this and one day I will be a fab teacher. Sidetone: Thank you to Luke for buying me pie. It's bad for my waistline, but good for the mood.

Anyway I will cute this post slightly shorter than normal. I just wanted to let you all know I'm still alive and kicking. I'm just swamped with Uni work!

I love you all, let me know how you're doing!

"The rest is still unwritten"

Megan

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Monday, 20 July 2015

Moody Monday's Volume 17: The Great Yorkshire Show, Baking, Blog posts

Happy Monday Everyone!

I hope you've all had a good weekend. Mine was busy as usual. This time focused on baking so that I could help Luke's Mum with cricket teas. I made Rainbow Cupcakes and M&M and White Chocolate Fudge Brownies. It is fair to say that they went down a treat!

The house is nearly finished and I should be able to get the keys soon so I can start doing what work I can on it. So a post will be following later this week on my 'Homeware wants'. These will be the items that I would love to purchase for my home in an ideal world. However, of course I need to stop spending quite so much so I might not end up buying anything on that list- but a girl can dream still!

This time next week I will be in London with Luke ready for our mini break away together. I'm really looking forward to spending some time together and exploring a bit more of the city I have come to love. I always find there are not enough hours in the day to explore what I want to of London so hopefully I will get to do a bit more of that since we are staying in one hotel and we can get up and go! I can't say I'm one to plan down to the last minute of what we will do. I'm more of a get up and see where the day takes me. We've planned two dinners but most of what we do will depend on the weather! Fingers crossed for some sunshine! As I'm in London next week I will be scheduling some blog posts before I go, however if I do take my laptop I will try and upload a post whilst I'm away. I will most likely fail at doing this, but I will also be uploading pictures to my instagram page so make sure you're following me @therestisstillunwrittenblog I will be following people back!

I also went to The Great Yorkshire Show last week and saw lots of piggies, cows, horses and sheep. I ate lots of food and I had such a good day with my cousin, auntie and boyfriend. The weather was beautiful, I think you could tell as I had a bit of sunburn on my face! It was my first year there and I would definitely return. I saw Prince Charles as well!

Hope you all have a great week! Look out for my posts Tuesday and Friday. You can also click the links below to follow me on social media for my updates between posts.

"The rest is still unwritten"

Megan

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