Moody Monday's Volume 21: Honesty

Hello Everyone.

Now for those who tune in at 5pm every Monday to read my post you probably saw that I wrote about a recent break up I was going through. After speaking with Luke I decided to remove it, as although that was what I was feeling in that moment, maybe it wasn't right to post it on social media at that time. I want to be completely honest with you all that I am actually going through one of the most stressful and confusing times to date, the last time I felt this way was in Sixth Form in my final year of A Levels. I put it down to it being my final year of University, it's important and becoming a teacher means I am entering into one of the most stressful and hard jobs there is right now. There is no right answer on how to do things right, and that's really scary.

I did spend the weekend with Luke and we seem to have resolved our issues for now. One thing I have learned is that you can't fully forget a problem, but you can move past it. I don't want to dwell on all the bad things that went wrong, I want to focus on the here and now and be with someone who genuinely does make me happy. We just need to work on a few things. I guess another thing I have learned is communication and listening. I find it so difficult to admit I am wrong, but I am aware more than ever now that I have a few things to work on. I just need to remember to find a balance between Luke, University, Friends, Family and Placement, because right now these are my main focus.

Blogging is also something I love and if I'm being honest (again) it really is a way for me to get my feelings down and out there for all to see. I want you to see me for me, with a few edits in places of course. I now understand that I just need to be careful what I write. I didn't think how the previous post would affect Luke and for that I am sorry.

Another big change in my life is losing someone who I thought was a close friend. I guess we ended up taking different paths and moving on to other things in our lives and we weren't the right fit for each other anymore. A few events that happened over the weekend left me feeling betrayed, but I truly did want to work out the issues we had. I guess you can't force someone to want to see you as a friend and that was a hard thing for me to realise. I can't call someone a true friend if they're willing to hurt me and not think of me as a friend. *cue BMTH- True Friends*

I just want to take this opportunity to thank everyone who reads my rambles. Half the time I write a post I sit in silence staring at the screen letting my fingers type away every thought in my mind. Sometimes it can be great writing and other times less than perfect. However, I enjoy writing and posting for you all. I feel like this is my safe place to just tell you all how I'm feeling in the hope that someone, maybe one of you understands me? They say everything gets better and you understand life more when you're an adult. Although, I feel as lost as ever and my mind is definitely confused. Nevertheless, I'm not going to be beaten and I am going to get on with my assignments and prepare for placement, which starts next Monday (16th). Now that is a scary thought!

Once again thank you for reading. I welcome you to comment below if you are going through similar things to me or you just want a chat with me! My email is available here too. I hope you are all well and you're ready for this new week. I want the days to drag because I really need to get stuck into these assignments if I have any hope of doing well.

"The rest is still unwritten"

Megan

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Keeping the bond

Life always has it's ups and downs and everyone knows that when times get rough it's the support around you that helps you get through it. The sad thing is that we go through life and the people around us change all the time. I think it's bad that when we become closer to people we seem to forget the people we were close to previously. It's ok to make new relationships and friendships, but why would you want to completely forget the people who used to mean everything to you?

One of my regrets in life is that over the years I have lost some of my closest friends because of loss of contact and because it was difficult to keep in contact. If I spoke to them now some wouldn't even remember me and others wouldn't know how to hold a conversation with me. In short these people have become strangers to us. We don't know everything about them like we once used to and the trust that was previously there is now just a scar of what was before.

Why write a blog about this? Well since moving to university I have realised how important it is to make new friends as well as appreciating the existing friendships I already have. The more friends you have, the more support you receive when times are hard. My friends have moved to different parts of the UK and although I don't see them I still text them. Some are easier to keep in contact with like Abz because we have so much in common and because before she left we were so close. In all honesty I think I miss Abz the most. I miss going into sixth form and plugging in my iPod listening to 'Now That's What I Call Disney'. I also miss having our late night snapchat sessions whilst watching our favourite YouTubers. We called last night and tried to FaceTime, but it is difficult with her internet at University.

One friend who I wasn't as close to before University was Hannah. We were childhood best friends and she lives about an hour and a half from me now. However distance is no longer the obstacle, it is my timetable and funds! I think this is the worst I have felt. The feeling I get when I know I could see her but that I can't get there is the worst!

One thing I want to advise to people who are already at University or maybe thinking of moving to University or even people who are moving around or have friends moving, make sure you keep in touch with your current friends. It is nice to think that when you return home for the holidays you can be reunited with your old friends and have a good catch up! I think we take people for granted this time and once you lose a friend it is really hard to remake the bond you once had. Don't have any regrets with friendships or relationships you have lost. Life is too short for regrets.

"The rest is still unwritten"

Megan