Moody Monday's: Honesty
Hello Bloggers.
It’s time for me to open up.
Men. They’re an odd bunch aren’t they? They’re
so complex and I seem to know little or nothing about how to deal with them.
Moody Mondays was a way for me to vent
some of my over powering feelings and unload them on the internet. Basically I’m
bearing my soul to you all.
Since my recent breakup you could say I’ve
been on a downward spiral, spiralling out of control. My summer was a bleak one
and I spent my days shut away in my room binge watching Gossip Girl (every
season). To put this into perspective I watched every season of Gossip Girl
within the 30-day free trial of Netflix. I finished the whole box set in about
19 days (the extra 11 days allowed me to fit in a few movies). This wasn’t
normal behaviour. My summer was supposed to have been enjoyed. I mean we had
some pretty lovely weather! The truth was I just didn’t know what to do with
myself...sad right?
I can’t say I was hung up over my ex
because it was my decision to end the relationship. However I can say it was
because in the process of terminating a relationship I then in turn lost my
closest and best friend. This was the one person I relied on when times got
hard. We did most things together in the three years we had known each other.
We had so many memories together and granted the best ones were when we were
friends.
I still remember the first time that I
really noticed him...properly. It was at a Foster the People Concert. I just
had a feeling that we would be good friends. I mean we had so much in common. Our
friendship was so strong. We looked out for each other. We could tell each
other anything and spend hours on the phone together. He had really helped me
out during my first semester at University. I was lonely in my new flat and we
used to call one another every night. This usually ended up with me falling
asleep on the phone! These are the times I miss...the moments and memories that
have been tainted by a less than perfect relationship in which we both changed.
One thing I can say about relationships is
if you want to get into one remember that there are TWO people in a
relationship and not all your friends too. Unfortunately (I didn’t know this at
the time) but the pressure of my ex’s friends saying things about me had
started to change who he was. They didn’t like me and that was clear from day
one when we became friends, however I still thought that he would be honest and
tell me if someone said something to try and break our seemingly ‘unbreakable
bond’. Naivety no doubt.
I should've realised that they were a problem and tried to get him to open up. I just wish there was something I could've done to make them like me. Truth is I hadn't done anything wrong and the only solution that could've worked was if he had grown a pair and told them to mind their own business.
I wish I had a clock to rewind back to the
conversation where he promised we would never lose our friendship. Back to the
conversation when he promised everything would be ok. Back to the time when I
wasn’t so naive and realised I couldn’t risk my friendship. To a time where I could be a fly on the wall and tell him that those girls weren't helping and instead of being 'good friends' they were destroying what we had. Thanks to those two girls. I'm glad that he is such a game to you- karma's a bitch and it'll come back around.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing isn’t it?
I now have to come to terms with what has
happened and leave it in the past...I need to let it go (I’m saying this once
or I’ll run the risk of sounding like the Frozen tracklist).
I’m lucky enough that I still have my
closest best friends at University to keep me sane. Although strangely the
holidays have made me somewhat lonely? I’ve ended up binge watching Skins
episodes and the occasional Rom-Com to which I cry buckets and then switch to
an equally depressing episode of skins.
*Deep breath*
What a cracking way to start Moody Mondays
eh?
Now...where’s the bottle of prosecco?
3 days to go! Chin Chin!
“The rest is still unwritten”
Megan
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